Lessons from James Altucher on divorce

Lessons on divorce
Lessons on divorce
General by Liz Eustace

James Altucher is someone whom I follow. I like his brain. 

The way he writes is like a roller-coaster - it's uplifting and soaring and then it can crash. If you follow him long enough – it’s kind of like the way, he describes his life.

When I lived in NYC, I had the chance to meet James in person. He had to run but I often regret not pushing the envelop and asking a little more assertively, if he could spare just a few minutes more. You can feel his brain moving at an incredible pace and it makes you sit on the edge of your seat.

Most of his newsletters are about making money, his favorite stock picks, pod-casts with celebrities and then again more and more about making money.

I’m from a family where divorce has struck all of my siblings. And it is like that – it’s fast and decisive, rarely without casualties. And as an ex in-law, the terrain is rarely examined. Though these people (the ex’s) are a huge part of your life for a great many years, once it’s over… you get into the right camp, and hunker down, taking cues from your siblings on the best way to approach YOUR relationship with THEIR ex.

So with a deep breath, and a flow of gratitude – I share with you the description of how James gets along with his Ex – there is much to learn from this piece of writing. 

 

From James Altucher:  

GETTING ALONG WITH AN EX

Here are my rules:

A) She is the mother of my children.

Nobody in my life is more important than my children. #1 and #2. Which means she is #3 in my life no matter what.

B) I never will say anything bad about her. 

I write bad things about myself all of the time. I have no shame.

But I will never say anything bad about her.

C) Money. 

Because of "A", anything I have is hers also.

I hope she never feels the stress about money that I often feel.

D) Kid Decisions. 

I can give my opinion. And I have a lot of opinions. No college. No high school even. I tell my kids every day they don't have to go to high school. They can just stay with me.

Here's my high school plan for them: every day we watch a movie and talk about it. And you go to all of my podcasts and we talk about them.

And I will take you to any friends so you have a social life.

That's my high school plan and I think it's better than going to high school. But they don't agree and I don't think their mother does either.

I can give advice all day long. But they live with her. So I never once argue with her decision.

E) Disagreements. 

The arguments were so sore and bitter that at one point even our marriage counselor (our tenth) looked at us and just smiled and said, "I don't think you two should be married anymore."

Sometimes the arguments felt literally raw to the bone. No more blood left.

All of the energy and passion that we once had to staple things back together again was just gone.

And now when we disagree, it usually just signals the end of a conversation. No problem. We'll talk again sooner or later. We have two kids.

When things have been hard for me, Anne has been there for me also. I am glad I have such a kind ex-wife.

She once asked, "Why don't you ever mention me in anything you write?"

Well, here you go.

I thought I was a failure when my first marriage fell apart. I was so ashamed about it I would hide it from people.

And again when my second marriage fell apart.

I did a podcast with Kevin O'Leary from Shark Tank. Surprisingly, he had a lot of good advice about relationships.

But one thing he said scared me. He basically said a person is a failure if he can't make two marriages work. Because no matter what happened, you have to accept part of the blame.

And I'm willing to believe that.

About the Author

Liz Eustace

Present: Leadership coach, author, presenter, brand expert and momma of two!

Inspiration: my kiddies, laughter, countless yoga teachers, my creative hubby, my youthful mom & dad, my wacky sisters, kindness, my unpredictable brother, stillness and Prudence Bruns. 

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